Feeling Zenfully Badass

Walking out of tai chi, I always feel a bit like David Caradine in those Kung Fu reruns. I loved that show as a kid, it was one of the factors that drove me to start taekwondo in the 8th grade. Him and Billy Jack. I loved those guys, the way they kicked ass in a state of complete serenity and stillness. 

They weren't like the bullies at school They were calm, they were the still waters that ran deep. Calm, cool, and zenfully badass.  

Ommmmmmmmmmm, pow, backspin, kick, boom! Like dancing, except now nobody had the balls to tease you about it.  

I went on to get my black belt, and by my sophomore year in high school I was competing in some of the regional tournaments. There were a few trophies. And then, just like that, I walked away from it. 

See, I was never really in it for the sport. I'm not a sporty a guy, generally speaking, never have been. No, I went into martial arts because I was small for my age and I got pushed around a bit. I stayed with taekwondo long enough to feel confident that I wasn't going to pushed around anymore. I got the belt as a way of saying to the bullies, "Bring it, pal. Ain't afraid of you."

And I wasn't. 

Anyway, by the time I might have been interested in giving it another go, the joints weren't up for it. I started thinking about tai chi about then, and it's only now I'm finally doing it. 

(I probably shouldn't revisit this salacious bit of trivia, but <shrug-emoji> oops. Yes, I was crushed and disillusioned, but it made me realize that Kwai Chang Caine was more complicated than he let on.)

Point being, that it was these portrayals that made me realize I could fight back, even if I wasn't like the other boys.