I wasn't expecting all my feelz

I went to work yesterday for the first time in two months. As in, at my former job. I walked in expecting to be all smug and gloaty that they had finally come to their senses and realized that I alone could swoop in and save them. I was looking forward to feeling bullet proof in enemy territory. I was only supposed to be there for a couple of hours, brag about being retired, and leave.  

But then I got there and saw a bunch of tired, angry faces (things have not noticeably improved in two months) and heard the tense interactions between them, and I felt the pressure they’re under with this being the busiest time of year for the program, and now uncertainty about the grant funding being renewed. 

But I also saw something else: Relief. My former team was glad to see me, glad that I had come back (if only temporarily) to help figure out some things and help train the new kid they've hired.

Suddenly I was just so glad to see them. I’m not typically a fluffy, huggy, touchy-feely kinda guy. Too much weird touching as a kid, maybe, but I’ve never liked getting too sticky with my affections. But there we were, hugging like there’s no covid. I think there were even a few brief tears. They’ve been through a lot, my crew. Trauma may not be too strong a word, frankly. 

It took the wind out of any smug gloating over being retired. Srsly, wtf is wrong with me? I’d been there, I've felt their pain. The last thing anyone there needed was me striding in like I’m above their suffering now. 

So, no gloating, no bullshit. When our tearful reunion was over, we rolled up our sleeves and went to work. What was supposed to be a couple of hours of volunteer work stretched into the better part of a workday. When we were done, I had a sense that the mood had lifted a bit. There was a plan. Action steps. A way forward. They felt better. I felt better. 

Here’s a fact: The place still sucks, but my crew was a good crew and they're still suffering there. If the CFO of this agency is a walking, talking pile of conflicting personality disorders who lacks the skills necessary for human interaction, much less the chops to manage an organization -- well, that's not my team's fault. 

(Quick aside, the CFO there has no project, or people management skills. Zero. She should be working in the mail room, if that, and I frankly can’t wait to tell her so to her face. If I can somehow compel her to resign in a fit of bitter tears, my work there will be done.) 

Ugh. See? I can't help myself. Have I mentioned I can be a bit of a jerk?